HEALING THE HOME
TOPIC: - CONFLICT MANAGEMENT IN THE HOME
TEXT: Revelation 12:7-12, Proverbs 17:1, Proverbs 21:9, 19,
Proverbs 25:24, Proverbs 15:1-2.
Conflict can be term a disagreement, argument, fight or a
battle. Conflict is a fact of life and the Bible made us to understand that
there was war in heaven where God dwells. The war in heaven was won by God and
the battle shifted ground to the earth but we are assured of victory because
God won the battle and the greater on live inside of us. 1 John 4:4. There is
no home without conflict but the conflict varies according to the maturity of
the spouse. When the family of Job went through tough times, the wife asked her
husband to curse God and die. Job 2:9. After you marry, you and your spouse
will occasionally have challenges and you may disagree to agree.
1.
WHY
DOES CONFLICT OCCUR IN THE HOME? THE
FOLLOWING MAY BE RESPONSIBLE:
i.
SOME WEDDING GIFTS: At the wedding at Cana of Galilee, important
and essential people like Jesus and his disciples were there but today the
people at our wedding may bring gifts of doom. A testimony was given concerning
couples after finishing wedding and as they were sleeping in the night, they
heard one of the gifts making noise and as they woke up, the gift was moving
and spoke and said, “The peace of this marriage has been exchanged”. That is
why you must pray over all wedding gifts before it becomes your own. Things like
that can be a source of conflict in the home since their peace was an exchange
for their marital peace. In one crusade we had in plateau state too, it was
discovered that the wall clock they gave as wedding gift became their reason of
not giving birth.
ii.
Difference in background Ephesians 5:21. When
two people come together two cultures collide. Each from a home with a way of
doing their things which both will hold as the right thing to do. One may be
from the village and the other from the city. The other may like noise and
quietness.
iii.
Gender differences. The other is a man and the
other a woman. Men and women are not
only different physically but also mentally, physiologically and
psychologically. Some of the problem may be traced to cultural conditioning and
world views. Women are emotional beings while men are logical being.
iv.
Personality differences or temperament. Their
temperament may differ; one may be an extrovert and the other introvert.
Somebody may like red color and the other blue color etc.
v.
The more you stay together, the more the
differences will magnify; that is you will get to know it better
vi.
Foundational problems. If the right partner is
not choosing, the problem becomes more difficult to contend with. If the
foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do? Psalms 11:3.
vii.
Communication problems. Proverbs 15:1-2.
Communication is the life board of the marriage. Without good communication the
marriage may become unhappy if not completely dissolved. Husbands and wife must
talk together if the marriage will succeed. The aim of the communication is for
each of them to be encouraged. You must choose your words carefully. Colossians
4:6. By your words you will be condemn and by your word you will be justified.
Mathew 12:37. The tongue is very difficult to control, be careful with it.
James 3:1-12. Communication is a challenge and understanding involves patience,
insight, and effort. To say the right thing at the right time, you need to keep
still most of the time. It is no coincidence that God created you with two ears
but only one mouth; meaning your listening should be more than your talking.
James 1:19.
viii.
There was war in heaven that shifted to the
earth. Evil forces may be the source of your conflict. Revelation.12:7-12.
ix.
Secrecy in the home. The family doing hide and
seek game to one another. Imagine a wife with a plot of land and a house but
they are living in a rented apartment with her husband. Salaries and incomes
are hid from one another.
x.
Children can be a source of conflict. The lack
of children can cause conflict and when children come they can be a source of
conflict if each wants to pull them to his/ her side. Genesis 27:1-10.
xi.
Money and material possessions 1Timothy 6:10.
All must be seen as belonging to the two but under control. We must work for a
living. 1 Thessalonians 4:11; Ephesians 4:28, 2 Thessalonians 3:10. The head
must provide for the family with the help of the wife. 1Timothy 5:8, Proverbs
31:10-31. The money must be used to serve God with it. Mathew 6:19. Christians must have the right attitude
toward riches. 1Timothy 6:9-10. Christians must be good stewards of money. 1
Peter 4:10. Spending decisions should be done corporately and you should not over
spent or be wasteful.
2.
WRONG
REACTIONS TO CONFLICT RESOLUTION:
i.
Violence or physical force.
ii.
Explosive words Proverbs 15:1-2
iii.
Running away from the problem expecting it to
solve itself
iv.
Running to parents or relations or a third
party.
v.
Never test or tempt one another. It is God that
test and the devil tempt.
vi.
Taking vengeance by taking the place of God.
Romans 12:19-20, Deut 32:35.
vii.
Unrealistic expectations; that are don’t
approach conflict with an idea that a neat 100% solution is always possible.
viii.
Fear of solving the problem
ix.
Dwelling on the past. If you don’t allow the
past to pass, you will not pass your marital examination.
x.
Keeping silence in anger
xi.
Using the weapons of denial of sex.
xii.
Changing sleeping place or going to sleep with
the children.
xiii.
Ignoring the problems hoping it will go away on
its own.
xiv.
Self defense and shifting blames
xv.
Divorce or separation which the Bible abhors.
3.
SCRIPTURAL APPROACHES TO SOLVING
MARITAL CONFLICT:
i.
Seek God’s help concerning the problems in
prayers and how it can be resolved.
ii.
Evaluate the significance of the problem. Is
worth discussing or it should be discarded?
iii.
Make your weak points your prayer points and not
quarrel points.
iv.
The Devil had victory over the first family
because of loneliness which was the essence of marriage. Genesis 2:18. It is
not right to stay away from one another for long.
v.
Any home that will not form an altar of worship
and prayers is already altered.
vi.
Examine yourself before you bring up the matter,
may be you may be the problem or the one at fault to just apologize or first
remove the beam in your eyes. Mathew 7:3-5. Ask self why you are interested in
bringing up the matter. Is it for revenge or for the good of the other party
and the family?
vii.
External conflict may not destroy a home but
internal one. You must live inside conflict to enable you solve external
conflict.
viii.
Admit your faults and apologize if you are
wrong.
ix.
Unilateral forgiveness. Luke 23:34, Acts 7:60
x.
Be anxious to be the first to initial the
reconciliation
xi.
Confront the problem and not yourselves.
Confront the problem with tact, wisdom, humility and frankness.
xii.
Compromise on opinions and not on principles
because you can never do anything against the truth.
xiii.
Love unconditionally and submit also
unconditionally.
xiv.
Do not procrastinate because you don’t know when
the master shall appear. Let not the sun go down. Ephesians 4:26.
xv.
Communicate carefully. When you speak with your
mate over a problem, you should choose the word carefully. Colossians 4:6. You
must speak lovingly.
xvi.
Listen carefully to the response and considering
the possibility that you might also be mistaken.
xvii. Seek a
mutually acceptable solution as the key to solve problem is submissiveness.
Ephesians 5:21.
xviii.
Learn to accept the situation.
xix.
Choose your word carefully and make sure it is
the right time
xx.
The word sorry can save a lot of problems.
Conclusion: -
Conflict is properly handled in the home; it will bring more joy and wisdom to
the couples so that they will also be able to help others that are in the same
problem. It will bring blessing in the home and you will know certain things
that you don’t know before. 1 Peter 4:12, James 1:1-4. You will come out
stronger than before out of the storm.
By Pastor S.N. Maichibi
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